I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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