Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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