We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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