That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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