It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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