Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
