He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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