I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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