just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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