dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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