you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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