Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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