someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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