So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
