i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
