I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
