i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
