the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
