Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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