I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
