I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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