does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
