Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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