Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
