Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
