You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
