My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
