I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
