i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
