Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
