I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
