chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
