I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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