Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
