I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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