Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
