i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
