After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
