He disabled his match.com account in front of me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
