I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
