I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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