You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
