Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
