YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
