i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
