I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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