Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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