You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
