I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
