i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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