they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
