Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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