3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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