fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
