she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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